My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
