there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
