I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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