I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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