she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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