Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
handjob tips. give me some.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
