He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
