You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
