you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
