The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
