Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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