I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
