I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
