that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
