Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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