Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
