At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize