watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
