We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it because I queefed?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
