my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
