peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
