Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That accounts for only three of the penises
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
