Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
