I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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