JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
