its not stalking. its research.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize