the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
