I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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