I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
