i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize