i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize