You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
