When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
