in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
