there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
