You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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