his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
