Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
