Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
