I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize