We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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