You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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