dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
operation have a gay friend backfired
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
