Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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