Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
