I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
