anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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