I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
