It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize