What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
