Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
