6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
