Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
