20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
