This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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