alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
