my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
