I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
