Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
