My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
