he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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