i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
