Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
