I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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