dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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