So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
