Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
