guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize