I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
