A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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