I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
