I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
