Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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