Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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