Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
